On Pregnancy

I'm not sure what happened here. It's not like I'm new to this whole pregnancy thing, I have a son who will be nine at the end of the month. But my word, I do not remember all of these crazy things happening to my sanity and my body with Jay. Yeah, I might have thrown up six times a day for six months, but that was the only discomfort of pregnancy I experienced with him (other than a C-section at 28 weeks).

For your reading pleasure, here is my list of complaints:

1.  I look like Dolly Parton. In 16 weeks of pregnancy, I have gained exactly 5 pounds. I swear that entire five pounds is firmly located in my breasts. At 6 weeks, I had to go up a cup and band size. And now, just ten weeks later, my cups overflow. Dang it all. I swear I never bought a bigger bra the entire 28 weeks I was pregnant with Jay. NEVER. I'm making up for it this time, though. I have what Dolly and Pamela had to pay thousands of dollars for....and I'm ready to give them back.

2. I. Cry. Alot. Ugh, the emotional roller coasters. Found out one of my best friends is going from night editor at our local paper to Editor at a paper about 1 hour away, I cried. Couldn't have what I wanted for dinner, I cried. Heard Sammi Edmonds talking about the Angel Tree on the radio, I cried. Talked about my recently deceased uncle with my mom, I cried. Saw a video of the kid who hit a golf ball with Tiger Woods, I cried. You get the idea, I am an emotional wreck.

3. The Heartburn. I never experienced heartburn with Jay. I guess throwing up more times a day than you eat prevents heartburn? Now, I want to live on Pepcid AC and milkshakes. My  mom says I must be having a girl because she had heartburn with me. I like to believe that baby geniuses produce heartburn in their mothers.

4. The Headaches. Not sure what is causing all the headaches and nasal problems, but I'm quite tired of blowing my nose to alleviate headaches.

5. The doubts. This one is the worst. Nine years ago, I was a naive 20 year old who knew nothing about raising babies. I have nine years of experience as a mommy and I'm scared to death. Were we ready? Where are we going to put the Bean in our already full house? How will I manage editing four newspapers a week, caring for a newborn and a son with special needs while my husband works 60 hours a week? Why did we do this? What was I thinking? I'm not proud to admit it, but I have no idea what I'm doing right now. I wanted this baby so badly and now I'm feeling like we made the wrong decision and maybe we should have just been happy with Jay. I am losing my mind and I don't want anyone to think I don't want this baby, because I do. I'm just not sure what I've gotten myself into. By the time Jay came home from the hospital, he was 11 months old. I have NEVER cared for a newborn in my home.

Oh Lord, I think this is about to get interesting.

On May 18th

I had my first OB appointment today, and all was well.  I got my due date and had a lovely cervical exam while my husband stood by my head.  Micah and I both thought the Dr. would have him leave the room, but I'm guessing she thought he'd already seen my down there and it shouldn't bother him.

I asked him on the way home if the blanket covered everything and he informed me that he didn't know, he was looking away the entire time.  That's love.  Honestly, as much as I love my husband, I just don't need him to be right in the thick of my pap.

I did have to get a flu shot today, which I wasn't thrilled about.  I'm not big on shots and introducing foreign stuff into my body like that.  I've never let Jay have a flu shot for that very reason and I feel like I shouldn't have done it either.  And when I was leaving, the Medical Assistant informed me that I would be getting the H1N1 vaccine next month.  Yay, me!

I don't go back for another six weeks, and Dr. Cox said that on that appointment we'll get to hear Bean's heartbeat!!  I'm so excited for Micah to experience that because I remember how awesome it was to hear Jay's at my first appointment.  And the Dr. was super about not doing a lot of unnecessary stuff before our insurance open enrollment in January.  She has always been great about letting me slide on some stuff that isn't necessary since I lost my insurance last year.

Here's hoping the Bean stays happy and healthy!!

On new babies

Micah and I found out almost 2 weeks ago that we are expecting another little bundle of joy.  I'm excited, but apprehensive at the same time.  Ever since my miscarriage earlier this year, I've wanted to get pregnant again but at the same time, I didn't.

I'm so scared now, even though we've already made it past the point where we lost our Evan.  We want this baby so badly and I'm pretty sure that Micah is more worried about losing another baby than I am.  I don't think that I can even try getting pregnant again if something happens this time.  I'll just have my Jay and that will be enough.

I'm counting the days and weeks and we've decided to wait until I start my second trimester to tell our friends and family.  I told my best friends the day I found out, but other than that we are keeping mum.

Prayers that this is our time to become a family of four are greatly appreciated!