Big Changes

For the last week, I have been praying harder and more frequently than I ever have in my life. Big changes, they seem to be headed this way.

Without going into too much detail (because Micah and I have sworn not to talk about it), I can tell you that big changes could be coming to our home in the very near future. Exciting changes that involve Micah's musical career. Scary changes that will change our lives, possibly forever. Lonely changes for the both of us. But worthwhile they will be, nonetheless.

I've come to the point where I had to ask myself if I meant what I said in my wedding vows. I promised to follow wherever Micah's musical path may lead. But now, when we're on the brink of something huge, can I really do it? I gave him my 'yes' in an instant, but then I spent several days thinking about it, praying about it.

I prayed for God to lead us down the right path, even if it won't be the easiest path. In fact, it may be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But I remember someone once telling me that the hardness in life is what makes us who we are.

I've given this decision completely over to God. I know that he will lead us where we need to go. And I'm ready to accept that whichever way it goes, it is God's plan for us.

I honestly asked myself if I could keep my husband from his dreams just to keep him home with me and the answer is no. I married a musician and that means that our life might not always be predictable. It's not easy but I can do hard if it means my husband can live his dream.

There will be news soon, this week I hope, and as soon as it's all concrete I promise to share with all of you. For now, I would ask that you send prayers and good thoughts our way so that we can make the best decision for our family.

Bad Mother

I love my husband dearly, he is my best friend and most times I don't know what I would do without him. But on Saturday night, he made me feel like the worst mother in the history of mothers. I felt like Marie Antoinette (did she even have kids?) would have been more suited to mother my children than I was at that point.

It all started with this

We showed up to watch Micah play at a festival and everyone wanted to hold the baby. And by everyone I mean the ladies who follow the band. Women I have known for several years, who came to our wedding, one of whom was there for me when I had my miscarriage (because she had been through it 3 times) and came to our house the day we came home from the hospital to see our daughter.

I have no problem with letting people we know well hold Dani. And over the course of 6 hours, everyone wanted their chance. People were willing to hold her so I could eat and go to the bathroom. They genuinely wanted to love her and help me out.

And one couple, the ones who came to the house, were willing to set Jay with them so that I could actually enjoy myself a little bit. The husband, R., loves Jay and hung out with him the majority of the night. I always had my eye on them and Jay was loving it.

Micah decided on the way home to tell me that he didn't like the way Dani was passed around. And he didn't think I should have let Jason set a row behind me with R. I was furious with him for questioning me and also irritated because he has no idea how much work it is for me to be outside for hours with both kids and effectively tend to both of their needs. It was just people trying to help me out and he was upset with me.

Really, I wasn't trying to be a bad mother and I know that he wasn't trying to make me feel that way, but that is how it came out. I don't see anything wrong with 4 people other than myself having a turn holding the baby. It had been hot all day and she makes me even hotter so it was nice to have a little break. But I guess that won't be happening again.

Maybe I'm wrong. I'm not sure. But I guess we'll try it his way next time and see how it goes.

On killing an old friend

I have officially done it. I'm a murdered, at least according to my husband. I killed his Xbox 360.

While I was home on bed rest at the end of my pregnancy, I discovered that I could watch every season of Law and Order Criminal Intent instantly on Netflix through the Xbox. I may have spent upwards of 12 hours a day doing so. And a week later, Micah may have turned on the Xbox only to receive the ominous 'Red Ring of Death." Oops.

Micah was brokenhearted because he couldn't play his new game. I was devastated because I had 7 more season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer to watch.

So I got Netflix to send me a disk so that I can watch Netflix on the Wii. We are now in season five of Buffy. Our Wii has never gotten this much use in the year we've had it.

On songs and three years

Today was Dani's due date! I can't believe she's already 3 weeks old. But today is another special day at our house. Three years ago today, Micah and I went on our first date. He took Jason, my godson Ryan, and I to see Spiderman 3. I can't believe how the last three years have flown.

Micah has always reminded me of the Brad Paisley song, He Didn't Have to Be (don't feel bad if you don't know it, I don't listen to country either. I just happen to love Brad Paisley.) It's a song about a step-dad who is such a great dad to his stepson that when the son grows up he hopes that he's half the dad that his step-dad didn't have to be. There is a line in the song that says, "He took my mom out to a movie and for once I got to go." Micah took me out to a movie and it was just assumed that Jay would go along. Talk about impressive!

That date, May 18th, completely changed my life. I had known Micah for a few years, but we had never dated. Even though a friend tried to set us up on a blind date years earlier, we just weren't in the right place to be in a relationship. I'm so glad I 'met' him again at Wal-mart after all that time!

When I was on my way to pick Jay up from school, I heard a song and texted Micah a line. "My dog Sam eats purple flowers." He responded and if you're into crazy hippie-dippy music like I am you know what he said. "Ain't got much but what we've got's ours."How true it is, we may not have it all, but we have all that matters.

And now, how about a blast from the past? I can't believe how much we've changed in the last 3 years, like I was several pounds lighter!

On Motorhead

Let me preface my near disastrous morning story with a story. For Valentine's Day, my wonderful husband bought me a t-shirt. I was pregnant at the time and just threw said t-shirt in the top of the closet and never really thought anything else about it. I maybe wear a t-shirt a 4 times a year and I'm not a fan of a large graphic print.

But he bought me this t-shirt because it had a picture of Lemmy from Motorhead playing the bass on the front. And hubby knows that if there is anything in the world I love, it's an ugly bass player. I'm pretty sure Lemmy has the market cornered on ugly bass players. Geddy Lee comes in a close second. And God help me, I love them both.

This morning, after a collective hour of sleep, I was getting dressed to take Jay to school. I decided to throw on my Motorhead t-shirt and some pants because I was too tired to care what I was wearing. Plus, it would make Micah happy that I was finally wearing the shirt.

Let me say now that I don't just pull up in front of the school and drop Jay off. I get out of the car, walk through the school, passing many teachers that have known me since I was Jay's age and usually stand in his room for a few minutes before going outside. This is important to the story, I promise.

God was watching over me this morning. Because in a move very uncharacteristic of my normal getting dressed routine, I turned the shirt with the back facing me for a second before I pulled it over my head. And that's when I saw it. There was no way I was wearing this shirt. There was some mighty graphic language on the back of said shirt.  I would have probably been asked to remove it when I walked into the school. Yeah, it was that bad.

After I put the shirt back down on the bed, I called Micah into the bedroom. I yelled, "I can't wear this shirt." and he looked at me like I was nuts. I then asked him to look at the back of the shirt. He swears that the display only showed the front and he simply grabbed one in my size and walked to the register. So neither of us were smart enough to unfold the shirt anytime in the last 3 months.

Now, if you are offended by f-bombs and the b-word, please stop reading this post now. Because I am about to post a photo of the shirt just to make the point that I could not wear this thing. I am not usually offended by strong language, but OH MY!

On one year

Happy First Anniversary to my amazing husband!! (Even though I won't let him read my blog)

I can't believe it's already been a year since we were married. Look at us now. A new baby and the rest of our lives ahead of us! If we live to 80, we'll be married 50 years. Well, if I make it to 80 that is, since Micah never tires of saying that I'm older than he is. For the record, it's only 8 months but we got married during that time of the year when I am a year older.

I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with Micah, I'd say he's the best husband I've ever had!

On How I Met Your Father

I thought it might be fun if every Tuesday I introduced to you someone in my life. I don't know why I thought that would be fun, but I'm willing to give it a shot and see if anyone else is interested in the menagerie of characters that live in my world. I decided to start with my beloved husband, Micah.

Micah and I were introduced by a mutual friend about 6 years ago (it may have been 7) and we had no interest in dating one another at the time. I'm going to come clean here, for you my dear blog readers. Micah had no interest in dating me. I was planning the names of our future children after the first time I met him, but he still doesn't know that and since I don't let him read my blog, he never will.

Three years later, I ran into him in Wal-mart and he was all chatty and said he needed my number again, as he had a new phone. I will once again be honest with you and say that as I stood in the self check-out I had no idea who he was. He looked familiar and I knew that I knew him, but it took me a good ten minutes into the car ride home to remember exactly who he was. At that point, I didn't care. I had been in a relationship for almost a year and was pretty happy with the status quo of my life.

Micah decided to look me up on Yahoo Messenger and began talking to me while I was at work. After a week or two, he invited himself to see Spiderman 3 (or was it 2?) with my son, godson and me. I thought it was just a friend thing, I mean I was dragging two little boys around with me.

Little did I know that 14 hours after that first date began, I would still be sitting on my front porch talking to Micah.

Micah has been such an incredible addition to our lives that sometimes it's hard for me to remember what life was like before him. If you knew us each individually, you probably wouldn't think we were a perfect match. Micah is very conservative and in his words, I'm a "damn hippy." We are opposite in so many ways that on paper we would never work, but in real life he is the rock that keeps me grounded. He is the Greg to my Dharma.

Micah is such a nice guy, probably the nicest person I know. I am not. He is caring while I am compassionate. I'm religious but he is the one who saved himself for marriage because of a promise he made to God.

He is an amazing bass player. I'm his groupie. We argue and we disagree, but at the end of the day we always come to an agreement. He loves my son and he is the best dad I could have ever given Jay. I fell in love with him the first time I heard him play, I'm still not sure why he fell in love with me. But I'm grateful every day that he did.

On having a name like Dani California

Micah and I had a strange conversation about a week ago. It involved a middle name for our unborn Bean. I thought this issue had been decided months ago, if she's a girl she's Dani Marie and if he's a boy he's Liam Douglas.

I like names that mean something to me and both middle names were significant. Marie is both the middle name of my best friend and my recently departed grandmother. Douglas was Micah's grandfather's first name before he was adopted. End of discussion, or so I thought.

Here is the conversation that took place as we were leaving Tiffany on my 30th birthday:

Micah - Soooo, how set are you on Marie as a middle name?

Me - Pretty darn set, since we decided it before we were even pregnant. Why?

Micah - It's boring.

Me - Seriously? That's your reason?? (I believe at this point I had stopped in front of the Burberry store to stare at my lovely, clueless husband.)

Micah - (staring at me)

Me - Well, if you don't like Marie, then what is your suggestion?

And he looks at me, in all seriousness, and just says "Alexis."

Alexis?? Now, I have nothing against the name but my head was spinning with the thought of Alexis. Where did this name come from? What is my husband's reasoning for such a trendy name as Alexis?

I'm not a trendy name person. My son is Jason. That has not been in the top 100 for popular names in a good 20 years. We've never met another Jason his age and there are no kids in his class named Jason.

I like Dani because of the Red Hot Chili Peppers song, Dani California. My husband is a bass player and he owns three Flea basses. Flea is one of his major influences and I want to honor his musical abilities in the name of our daughter. And I don't see there being any other Dani's in her classroom when she starts school.

I bet I could walk into a school tomorrow morning, throw a paperwad and hit an Alexis.

In the interest of fairness, I gave my husband a week to come up with a meaningful name. He had nothing. So I made a list of 12 middle names and presented it to my husband on Friday night. He looked over the list and pondered while we ate dinner. And do you want to know what middle name he chose for our unborn daughter??

Marie.