That decade just flew by

I can't believe it (and no it's not the fact that I haven't blogged in ages) my little guy, the prince of this family, is ten years old today. Where has the time gone? How is it that I have spent a 1/3 of my life as a mommy now? How did I ever live before this little angel came into my life?

I can't believe that 10 years ago this very night, I delivered a little boy that the doctors told me wouldn't live to see the morning. I didn't know until 10 years ago today how much love my heart could hold. I didn't know that another person could make my life complete. I didn't know that I could be a mommy, much less a good mommy.

This little boy, this amazing Jay, he makes my life so much more fulfilling. He is my living, breathing miracle on earth. He is my proof that God is real and that he still works miracles. He is the reason I live and breath and without him I would be nothing. I have never loved another person as much as I love this little guy. He makes me grateful for every moment I have lived in the past ten years and for all the moments that we still have ahead of us.

this baby is growing

Dani is cutting teeth. Two little white bumps for this lovely little girl. And if I said she has been all sunshine and buttercups for the last few days, I would be lying.

Have I shared Halloween pictures yet? I don't believe I have. So for your view pleasure today, Dani the penguin and Jay dressed as Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers!

The Pumpkin Patch and more Packing

No time for a long post today, as I have been packing all day and I need to get back to it now that these children are in bed. So, just some photos of the kids from the Pumpkin Patch. We had a great day!

I met a man at Wal-mart

Yesterday the kids and I went to Wal-mart to pick up some groceries and pictures. As we were standing in line at the photo counter, a man who was in his 70's started talking to Jay. He asked me how old he was and when I replied that he was almost ten, the man commented on how small he was. So I told him that Jay only weighed 1 pound and 14 ounces when he was born. He looked at me for a minute and replied that his child weighed 2 pounds when he was born and lived 20 hours.

It stopped me for a moment. I could see that even 50 years later, this man was still a father to that child. He told me that he always thought if the baby had made it to Riley he would have survived. So I told him that Jay was born just on that medical campus and I was sure that made all the difference for him.

He was quiet for a few minutes and then he told me that 5 months later his wife died of cancer at the age of 23. As I thought about it, I realized that this man had probably never remarried. And in 5 months he had buried his family. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe he went on to have a dozen more kids with is 2nd wife. But I have the sneakingest feeling that he didn't.

I don't know why this seemingly innocent conversation has weighed so heavy on me the last 2 days. I have always been thankful for everything that was done to save Jay's life.

This man asked me how old Dani was and then asked if she was okay, which I will admit made me laugh a little. I told him she was just fine. He wanted to know if she came early and I told him just a few weeks. He wished me luck, blessed Jason's little heart and went on his way.

I'll probably never see him again. But he is still with me. Still here reminding me that we don't all get the chance that I did. I won't call it luck and I won't say that I'm extra blessed because I don't believe God loves me more than anyone else. But I will say that I lead a very blessed life.

What has Jay been up to?

I realized last night that I haven't posted much about Jay lately. It's not because we love him any less with the arrival of Dani Bean, I swear my love for that kid multiplies on a daily basis. I thought nine years ago that I could never love him more than I did when he was born. But everyday it gets bigger and better, folks!

Jay has had a pretty uneventful summer. He has been adjusting nicely to being a big brother. I took some pictures of the kids the other day and when I showed them to Micah he said you can just see in Jay's smile how much he loves Little Miss Bean.

Jay has also discovered that a cat named Lemmy might just be the best friend a kid could ever have.

Jay has had a major growth spurt this summer. I swear I put a shirt in the too little box every other day of the week. He's outgrowing clothes faster than I can buy new ones. We no longer shop in the toddler department, which makes me sad. My baby is growing up and he's just not my little baby anymore. I can't believe that in a few short months, my baby will be a decade old!

And next week, he's going to start fourth grade!! Oh my, how the time has flown. I've always heard that times goes faster the older you get and after this summer home with my kids, I believe that's true.

This amazing boy makes me happy every day! It's still hard to believe that a baby the doctors said wouldn't make it through the first night of his life is our tumbling bumbling, wickedly funny 9 year old.

Life and the way it changes

This has been a horrible week. The baby has now screamed every day for extended periods every day since Monday. And I'm stuck here 13 hours a day while Micah is at work. It's gotten so bad that Jay has gone in his room the last 2 days and shut the door to get away from the noise. As bad as I feel for myself in dealing with all this screaming, my heart breaks for Jay.

For 6 years, it was just the two of us. And then Micah came along and Jay adores him and he's been daddy since very early on. But I don't think Jay really understood what was going to happen when I was pregnant. He knew I was getting fat and that we were putting new things in his room that weren't for him, but he doesn't really comprehend life changing events like this one.

I know it's been hard on him. My normally independent little guy is now stuck to my side. I actually heard him crying himself to sleep one night when Dani had been home about a week. I went in and sat with him until he fell asleep and it hasn't happened since, but I still feel horrible for him.

He's not used to sharing his mommy. And there isn't a way for me to explain all of this to him. I wonder what he thinks, inside that pretty little head of his. Does he really understand that Dani is his sister? Does he love her or realize that she will likely be the one taking care of him when I'm gone?

It hurts my heart to think about these things. I just wish I could hook him up to a little machine and read his thoughts. I don't want him to feel like we've deserted him for this new kid that came along, for him, out of seemingly nowhere.

And Dani, she is not the easy, happy-go-lucky kid that my amazing Jay is. Dani wants what she wants as soon as she wants it. I feel horrible when I have to make Jay wait for something like a drink or his favorite DVD because I'm doing something for the baby. I don't want him to resent her and I don't want to feel like I'm neglecting him to tend to her.

It's not easy, regardless of what I thought when I was pregnant. I feel spread too thin. I feel like I need a vacation. I wonder how people with multiple kids and one special needs child do this.

On dressers...

....literally.

On Sass

So Sassy, her little shirt says. And let me tell you, this little lady has sass in spades.

Or something like that.

The only thing that made this child happy all day was laying on the floor with Jay.

And when he scooted away, she started screaming. So I bribed him with a drink of soda to come back. Because my sanity is important and worth a little possible Jay slobber in my drink.

On my babies!

Today I was finally brave enough to attempt a picture of Jay with Dani. It turned out better than I expected when Jay laid down on the boppy pillow that I sat Dani in!

Now that I know what works, I think we will be attempting the matching outfit picture tomorrow, with the help of daddy!

On Daddy alone for the first time

Last Thursday I was released from the hospital. I had a few prescriptions to fill and we needed groceries, so I decided to brave Meijer 4 hours after I was released from the hospital. Maybe a little crazy, but after being cooped up in a hospital for 4 days I was excited for an opportunity to get out by myself, have a diet Mountain Dew and stroll through the grocery aisles.

Micah stayed home with Jay and Dani. I didn't think anything too crazy could happen. And then I called on my way home. Mind you, I was gone less than an hour. And in that hour, all kid heck broke loose.

Jay had decided that he wasn't going to poop while he was at Nana and Ga-Ga's house. Why, I'm not really sure. But being home for an hour was ample opportunity for him to remove his clothes and diaper and poop on the bedroom floor. Micah found him quickly and cleaned up the mess and put him in the tub.

After Jay's bath, Dani was waking up and Micah was getting Jay a diaper when Jay decided that it was a good time to pee the bed. Micah said he turned around from the diaper stacker and Jay was peeing all over his blankets and pillow. Dani was ready to be fed and had started to fuss.

I laughed, because at the point he was telling me about it, things were calm again. Jay was watching Veggie Tales, Dani was full and asleep and I had somehow luckily missed the whole adventure. I told him it was their way of breaking him into the parenthood of two children. The next morning held an interesting experience for the both of us that I will share in another post. I will tell you that things have been fairly calm since then, but we will see what happens when Micah gets off work tonight and Jay comes home from Nana's. It may be another interesting weekend!

On Saturdays

Micah plays in a band most Saturday nights. Which means that Jay and I have an evening to ourselves. Right now, I'm trying to enjoy our very last mom/jay Saturday night. And by enjoy, I mean listen to Jay repeatedly push the button on a Cookie Monster saxophone for the last hour. My patience is running thin and now I remember why Micah and I hide this toy for months at a time. He only got it back today because I found it thrown in Bean's crib.

I can't believe how different our lives will be in less than 48 hours. I am excited but at the same time, I feel bad for Jay. He's spent 9 years as an only child. I've spent 30 that way and I know I wouldn't have appreciated my parents having a baby when I was 9.

Jay has also been the only grandchild for 9 years. Oh my, this is going to be an adjustment for him. I'm not sure he really gets exactly what is happening and I wish I knew how to make him understand that next week there will be another person living here. I know he'll get used to it, I just hope that he actually enjoys it and doesn't feel slighted by us having another baby. I wish he could understand how hard it is for me, too. I'm used to having one child and I'm not yet sure what to do with two.

I wish I could be like my dear husband, who is currently still oblivious to how much different life is going to be around here. Is it wrong that I'm secretly waiting for the moment he realizes it, just so I can giggle at him?

On high chair safety

This is obviously a topic I know nothing about, if this photo is any indication.

No Jay's were hurt in the making or taking of this photo. He is not crying in the photo, he was laughing his crazy head off.

On ducks

All I have to say today is, somebody get this kid a duck!!

Okay, that isn't really all I have to say. But how can you deny a face this cute a duck of his very own? How, Micah??

All of this to say, I want ducks. I wanted ducks when we lived on the farm and my dad said no. I want ducks now to live in the backyard and swim in our pool and Micah says no.

Micah says that you can't have ducks in the city. I say we live in the suburbs.

Micah says they would be in the pool all the time. I say that's the whole point. Why have a pool if you can't have ducks?

Micah says he thinks there are regulations on having animals in town and our neighbors would turn us in. I wonder if he's met our neighbors?

Micah says ducks poop a lot. I really have no argument for that, so that must be where he wins.

On outdoor weather!

Yes, that is The Amazing Jay flying down a slide that is many times bigger than he is. You can't see his face, but his shrieks echoing through that giant curly slide were enough to tell Micah and me that Jay was loving the slide.

On the one I love most

I must warn you before you look at this picture, I have Kate Gosselin hair. There, I said it. It's growing out, but I have it. And I will be truthful. I love it.

On messes

What happens, you might wonder, when I let Jay paint a masterpiece for his dad?

Jay turns into something of a masterpiece himself.

Sadly, I can't frame him.

So he had to get cleaned up by my dear friend, Erin.

Because I was very busy laughing. And taking these pictures.

And I never knew finger painting could be so much fun.

On the amazing Jay

It's Tuesday. Which means I'm going to introduce you to someone. Who better than the namesake of this blog? My amazing son, Jay.

This is my baby, Jay. Jason Edward Ritchie, if you want to get technical. But I just call him Jay most of the time, unless he's in trouble. You can gauge his degree of trouble by how many names I yell at him from the other room.

He's pretty much the most amazing person I've ever met. He has overcome a lot of the adversity that is presented to a guy who is born 12 weeks too early. He's also the strongest person I know. Jay inspires me every day.

Jay loves music. He's a big fan of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. We've seen there Slane Castle DVD over 100 times. He's sneaky enough to press play again if I leave the room towards the end of the DVD.

He loves to take a bath. His favorite bath time activity is to laugh so hard he falls over and gets a mouthful of water just to panic me.

Jay's best friend is his grampa. They like to set in the recliner and watch Sanford and Son. Jay likes Red Fox's deep voice. We actually own season of the show on DVD, because Jay loves it so much.

Jay loves Elmo and Veggie Tales. He has a singing Junior Asparagus that has been sleeping with him since he was a year old. It creeps Micah out because it sings, "La la, la la la la, la la la." He says it sounds demonic. I will admit that when Junior needs batteries, he even flips me out a little.

Jay's naughty. He eats play-doh, finger paints his own face, and likes to dump Lemmy's food and water bowl. His favorite place in the whole house is at his daddy's feet in the music room while dad plays bass. Jay loves drumming and he has an entire collection of real drums to play with.

It's still hard for me to believe that this little guy has been calling me Mama for 9 long years. He's a third grader and went to a new school this year. From what I can tell, he's just as loved by the students and teachers at his new school as he was at the school he went to for the last 3 years.

Jay is just a lovable little guy. I love him more than life itself. He's most definitely the love of my life. He has the amazing ability that most everyone he encounters falls in love with him, as well. I thank God every day for choosing me to be Jay's mommy. It's the best thing that ever happened to me.

On being on of THOSE moms

Yesterday was pajama day at Jay's school. I may have a little obsession with buying Jay really cute pajamas, so it was hard for me to decided exactly which ones he would wear. He ended up in his Nascar jumpsuit jammies that my best friends Nick and Amy bought for his birthday. Wanna see how cute he was in those jammies? Of course you do and I'm happy to oblige.

He loved wearing footie jammies to school, mainly because it meant no shoes. But after school I had a dilemma. One of my pet peeves is people who take their kids out in public in pajamas or nothing but a diaper. It just makes me cringe, for some reason. But I needed to go to Meijer. What is a mom to do? 

I decided to heck with it and I let Jay go into Meijer with me in his jammies. I was embarrassed and thankfully we didn't need much so we were only in the store about 30 minutes.

This incident reminded me of another time a few weeks ago when I was one of THOSE moms. You know the ones I'm talking about. You don't want to judge them, but there is just something in the way they talk to or dress their kids that makes you glad you have more sense. I know that sounds really judgmental. I'm sorry for that.

Anyway, Jay and I were in Wal-mart with Micah. Jay loves Wal-mart. It's like an amusement park for him. It may be the fact that we always get a donut or that Micah always pushes him over those funny bumps in the parking lot way too fast. Either way, as soon as we pull into the parking lot, Jay is dancing in his carseat.

On this occasion, Jay was in an especially good mood. He was laughing and falling over in the cart. He decided that this was the occasion to scream his head off while pinching my hand. I stopped the cart and yelled, "Stop!" And then I realized it, I had become one of those moms who scream at their kids in the store. I was mortified. Micah was laughing as I said, "Thanks a lot, Jay. Now I'm one of those moms that screams in Wal-mart."

I guess we all have moments like that. It's startling to me that in the course of a few weeks, grocery shopping has brought my two biggest shopping pet peeves into my own life. I blame Wal-mart.

On 28 weeks, 1 day

Today is the day. At this point in my pregnancy with Jay I was getting ready to have an emergency c-section because his chances of surviving were much greater outside my womb. That is a horrible thought. My own body was damaging Jay to the point that he had to get out, tiny or not.

I remember the first doctors appointment with Bean. I felt relief at hearing a heartbeat, but it wasn't complete relief.

I remember that first ultrasound. Having the specialist show me that Bean's cord and placenta were perfect and had none of the defects that were present in Jay's cord and placenta brought relief, but it wasn't complete relief.

I remember the fetal heart echo. One of Jay's own cardiologists told me that Jay's heart condition was not present in my little Bean and I felt relief greater than any I have known in this pregnancy, but it wasn't complete relief.

I realize that making it through today is a big step. I didn't go into preterm labor, so I haven't been panicked that I may go into labor at the same point in this pregnancy. But I have feared being stuck in the hospital on bed rest and having this scenario replay at 28 weeks, 1 day.

Today has nothing to do with how my body is handling pregnancy. I knew I could make it to 28 weeks all along. But the fear was still there, ever present, in the back of my mind. I don't think I will feel complete relief tomorrow morning when I wake up 28 weeks, 2 days pregnant. But I feel a little stronger knowing that when I wake up I will be taking a new journey. I will never have been that pregnant.

At this point, I know that no matter what happens I can survive. I've been there before. I know how to deal with preterm babies. The scarier thought is not knowing what to do with a full-term newborn.

I probably won't feel complete relief until I'm being stapled up after my c-section, but making it past this milestone is probably the biggest relief I've had so far.

On CHDA Week

Some of you may know that I am the mommy of a heart baby. You may not know that it is Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Week.


When Jay was born, 12 weeks early and weighing a mere 1 pound, 14 ounces, he was diagnosed with Tetralogy of Fallot. Basically, this means that he was what is commonly referred to as a "blue baby." When he would get upset, his oxygen saturation would go down as a result of his heart defect and he would turn blue. Basically, he had a narrowed right ventricular, which required a stint of sorts to keep it open and hole between the chambers of his heart that required a patch. That's the simplest way I know to explain the situation.


Because of his very small size, he wasn't eligible to have the surgery. His heart doctors wanted him to weigh at least 15 pounds and he needed to be ten months old to have the surgery. Let me tell you, waiting for a 28 weeks preemie to reach 15 pounds felt like it was going to take an eternity.
Unfortunately for Jay, he wasn't stable enough to come home without the surgery. Which meant we waited it out in the Infant ICU with a trachea, oxygen and ventilator. Being on a vent for 10 months is very damaging to a baby and can cause brain damage. That added to Jay's brain bleeds and lack of breathing at birth made for a very scary situation.


The day before Jay turned 10 months old, the heart surgeon came to us and said that he had a spot open first thing in the morning and he would take 14 pounds and some change as an adequate weight. He knew that the longer we kept Jay on the vent, the greater our odds of damage were.


At 6 am the next morning, my little guy went into surgery. He was in surgery for 12 hours. It was the scariest 12 hours of my life. I'll never forget seeing Dr. Brown's face after the surgery and having him hand me the squares he used to cut Jay's patch and stint. I still have them and every time I look at them, I realize how incredibly blessed we were to have such an amazing surgeon operate on our son.


After 10 months on a vent, Jay was off of it within 3 days of his surgery. He did amazing. His heart defect was what was holding him back from thriving all along. Within a month, we went home on nothing but oxygen. It was an amazing thing. 


There are so many people I would love to thank for helping Jay when he was in those early fighting stages of life. We had the most amazing doctors and nurses I have ever encountered. But my greatest thanks to anyone other than God will always go to Dr. Brown. He gave me the greatest gift when he fixed my baby's heart and let me take him home.