On holiday spirit (or my lack of it)

I will admit, Christmas is not the meaningful religious holiday to me that it is to many of you. I celebrate Hanukah and Christmas, but Christmas is only celebrated in our house for my son and my husband. Normally, I go all out. From my perfectly coordinated tree that goes up the Saturday after Thanksgiving to the coordinated wrapping paper I use to wrap stacks of gifts, I am on at Christmas-time.

I don't know what it is this year, but I have still yet to be bitten by the holiday bug. I still have shopping to do. I haven't purchased a single present for my dear husband. There has not been a single gift wrapped in this house, with the exception of a gift bag I gave to a friend at lunch today.

I keep blaming it on the pregnancy and my being tired all the time, but I don't really think that's it. I wonder if I have some seasonal depression sneaking into my life. I don't feel down necessarily, but I have zero motivation to do anything. Whether it be laundry, making dinner or getting ready for the massive holiday that will descend upon me in 9 short days.

I think this year has almost been too much for me. While it has been an incredibly happy year with our wedding, first real vacation, and the impending arrival of the Bean, it has also been a year full of trials and tribulations. First Micah lost his job. Then he went back to an old job and started working 60+ hours a week. Then I lost the Sprout. Weeks later my uncle killed his wife and himself. Less than a month later, my mamaw was gone, as well. Then we found out that Micah's gramma had a terrible case of cancer. Now Doug has passed on, as well.

I think this last year has just been more than I can bear. I now completely understand my mother's lack of holiday spirit the year my papaw passed away. I just want this year to be over so we can start a new year. I want to be the Super Mom I used to be, instead of dreading daily activities like bath time and dinner. I want to come home and do more than set here and look at the laundry and wish someone else would wash it, just this once. I want to find myself again and come out of this dreary mess. I hope it happens soon, because I have less than 2 weeks to pull off my normal holiday extravagance.